Balance - Mood swings

Melancholic, having mood swings every now and then. Why am I like this? Why is it that I get super excited sometimes and super depressed at times? There are times when I can think clearly. I can remember everything crystal clear. Sometimes even I get surprised how could I recollect that. And then there are days when I want to punish myself. I feel extremely sad depressed. My memory is at its worst. I just forget basic stuff like my student ID which I use it on a daily basis. Damn me. I wish I could be normal everyday. I know I am getting those mood swings again. Sometimes it is huge while sometimes it is mild. It feels like a lump of emotion accumulated at my heart or inside my body can't say exactly Then, I want it out. Sometimes it is easy when I cry it out or shout out or workout at my hardest. At times it is sooo difficult. It is like that vomiting sensation where you want to vomit but it doesn't come out. Feels uneasy the whole time till it comes out.

I know I should feel blessed that I am normal. I need to feel happy and lucky that I have got all physical and materialistic pleasures in life. But, still it comes out of nowhere. Bad emotions. Bad feelings. I want to go to the extremes. Work out till I faint. Study till I fall dead or burnt out. If tired then work more till I tire out and can't walk an inch. I like to push myself to my extremes. I don't know why but this is me. Doing it for positive stuff is rewarding but I want to do this my negative stuff as well. It is scary. Balance and control is needed. It comes with practice. Cooking a tasty curry once is great but cooking it tasty every time with the same relishing flavour is extraordinary. I will learn balance when I can and practice it when I can.

These are my random thoughts which I want to be captured. I write more for myself than for others, to see myself grow and to relish my past.