Surrender as I understand

Surrender is letting go. Surrender is not giving up. Surrender is to not hold on to anything. Be it a result of action or a thing or a memory or an emotion or a future event. Only when you are completely free, the present moment can be experienced with full awareness. For that full vibrant awareness, there is a desire to be free. Freedom means no bondage. No bondage from desire, emotion, materialistic craving or any craving. For the desire to become free, we need to surrender.

I lived in Seattle downtown for 3 years and in the US for 4.5 years. I always knew I had to come back to India, but unknowingly, I developed an attachment to the place, the waterfront near my house, the people, the friends I made. The thought of letting go of all that attachment and becoming free was difficult. But I could see that unless I felt free I couldn’t enjoy the current moment. There was always anticipation of the future, of when I should return to India. So, I just had to make a decision. I set an approximate date to return and started working towards the return. After deciding the date, I set myself not to turn back. I just let go. Come what may, I will face it. Be it good or bad, I let go. That was the moment of surrender. Surrender to everything that may come in the future and with it all my emotions and attachments. Immediately after, I could see myself enjoying every moment I had in Seattle. There was a ticking clock, yes. But I also wasn’t holding onto anything. I didn’t postpone anything. Just faced life as it came. In fact, last few months in Seattle is more memorable than the 2 years in Seattle. You don’t remember any other mundane day because you weren’t alive or in the moment. You remember those moments/days when you were so present in the moment, when you are one with the object or divine. 

Thinking now, I feel I didn't carry any baggage of emotions or heaviness from those last few months. I was like a free bird. If I felt any baggage that was from the past which was not yet surrendered. But I saw myself not really holding onto anything. Emotions would just flow, connections with people would just happen, no activity felt like a burden. In short, I felt light on soul and being. It was like feeling the fullness with nothing within. I wonder if we surrender every moment and live like that every moment, there cannot be any other life that would be more desirable. Let’s keep surrendering it all. 

With loads of love,

~Sudeshna